Mosquito Bait

We've got a new business idea. We are advertising Scott as mosquito bait. Growing up in Indiana, Scott would get ravaged by mosquitoes, but the rest of his family was left alone. When I sleep next to him, I never get bit, but he wakes up with welts all over. As a business proposition, we can guarantee that if you are standing or sitting near him, you will not get bit by a mosquito. This would work well for small weddings, bbq's, picnics, pool parties, or other summer gatherings. It works perfectly for mosquitoes and pretty much any other biting bugs, most notably the midgies and march flies that we've encountered recently. There will be a surcharge for excess skin exposure--extra for topless and even more for the full budgie (Australian for Speedo). It will be well worth the money--way better than a bug zapper.

Ice, Ice Baby

by Scott

We've gotten used to most of the idiosyncrasies between Australian and American English. For example, without feeling like posers, we can now say, "how are you going?" instead of "how are you doing?". We say "g'day", "no worries", and "cheers" like we were born down under. In almost two years, the one thing we can't do is ask where to find a bag of ice in the grocery store. Inevitably, we get a blank stare. Sometimes, they think we want cigarettes. Sometimes, we have to spell it. Sometimes, they will repeat, "a bag of ice"? We'll excitedly say, "yes, a bag of ice." With a puzzled look on their faces, they will reply, "sorry, I don't think we have that". When we express amazement that they don't have bags of frozen water in cubic form, they say, "oh, ICE!" How many different ways can you pronounce a 3-letter, 1-syllable word? We only have 3 more months to figure it out. Maybe we'll have better luck in New Zealand, the home of "fush and chups".